Counselling Process - What to expect
Whether they are aware of it or not, All skilled professionals have a process by which they work. In fact, Process is one of the things that separates the skilled experienced professional from the unskilled. Without process, the unskilled, waste time and resources while the skilled cut to the chase and save their clients time and money.
Each TonicTalk Counsellor, through their own experience and training and by virtue of their own intellect and review of their own work has a process which they follow to maximise results for their clients.
Analysis – Between the counsellor and the client there is a process to achieve an accurate understanding of what is happening or what has happened and why. The ability to accurately analyse and understand circumstance, outcomes and causation is key. Without it, you are working in the dark. One needs to understand the true nature and causation if one is to have any hope of finding a resolution.
Resolution – The second step in the cycle is to discover a means of resolving the presenting issues. this is not a random process or a stroke of luck. Skill, experience and an accurate understanding of issues in the present moment are required.
Implementation – To improve anything, one must accurately implement an effective ‘solution’, a means of resolution. This is the ‘real’ work that you will do between appointments and we will support and guide you through it. It is not about just turning up to an appointment and then waiting for the next hoping for some divine inspiration or intervention to change something. You are the master of your ship. You have autonomy and Agency and the ability to shape your life. You will grow and change from day one until you achieve the outcomes you desire. It will take an amount of time and effort but you will be amazed at the results and proud of all that you will achieve.
This is an ongoing cyclic process because as the process moves forward it will change the issues and circumstances and therefore one must pay attention and adapt to the changes in order to achieve the desired results.
Is the Counsellor Skilled enough to help you?
Within all professions, there are the good, the bad and the terrible, and a layperson, who is not part of the profession they are seeking assistance from, is more likely, just by sheer numbers, to encounter the bad or the terrible than the good.
Sadly, Counselling is no different from any other profession. You are more likely to encounter a terrible or mediocre counsellor than a good one.
WORDS and Phrases are the stock in trade of counsellors. A counsellor should be an accurate, skilled and meaningful communicator, therefore, what is said matters. Of course, in relaxed communication, the occasional mistake or Faux-Pas will always happen… No one is perfect. However, repeated mistakes can be indicative of a lack of skill.
For example:
Cliche: “How does that make you feel?”
This statement, although common, is inappropriate. It has become somewhat of a cliche within counselling and a trope within the media. It is a trite thing to say and very commonly and thoughtlessly used and should not be used because of what it implies. Clients often rather unhealthily have a tendency to abdicate responsibility for their situations and actions to other people. Excusing that the other person made them do something is a common idea. It is a playground trope; one child sitting atop another on the ground whilst punching them, and when asked ‘What is going on?’. The assailant will claim that the victim ‘Made Me Do It’. It is also one of the excuses that Abusive people cling to. “I am sorry that I hit you but you made me do it. If you had not done X, Y or Z, then I would not have been forced to respond as I did.”
“How does that make you feel?”, implies that things outside of yourself make you feel. Whereas in truth, nothing ‘makes’ you feel anything. Your feelings respond to things and those responses are specific to you and your responsibility. Even if one wishes to argue that there are common responses, those responses are not so much common as similar. And whilst similar, their depth, meaning and history are specific to the respondent.
Ultimately, the statement implies that since you are not responsible for what you feel, given that your behaviour is also driven by what you feel, you are not responsible for what you do either. THIS IS NONSENSE.
Furthermore, if others are responsible, then you have no power, no agency in your life. No ability to make your life better. This is counterproductive and antithetical to all forms of Counselling and Psychotherapy, Anger Management, etc.
Cliche: “I sense that…. “
Another hackneyed statement that trips off the tongue of counsellors… ‘I sense that you are sad, unhappy, confused…” Fill in whatever supposed empathic sense. Firstly, one should never use cliche when trying to connect with people. And secondly, counselling should have an element of risk in it for the counsellor. Connecting with people is risky. People might disagree or reject the connection. If a therapist does not have the courage necessary and is unwilling to take a risk, how can they help their client take the risks necessary to live a fulfilling life?
As a trite statement ‘I sense that…’ is a low-risk, low-impact, low connection statement. If the client disagrees with such a non-commital statement the therapist can counter by claiming that it was just a feeling and move on. Furthermore, it is obtuse. You Sense in what way?
Whereas, statements like for example: “You are upset”, “I can see that you are upset”, “You find that upsetting”, etc. are all definite statements that are neither cliched nor easy to walk away from. Counsellor: ‘You are upset’. Client: ‘No, I am not!’… Now what, it just got interesting. Counsellors that avoid this conversation have issues. Having difficult conversations, approaching defensiveness, seeking truth, (in a sensitive way), and should be avoided.
For more information on discerning if a Counsellor can help you see: Choosing an Anger Management Specialist or Counsellor