Counselling Quotes, Poetry, Stories and Ideas
This page is somewhat of an indulgence of Carlos. Despite being a severe dyslexic and having a ‘difficult’ relationship with reading, he still has a love of language and is easily impressed by anyone who can turn a phrase. You will find here a collection of ‘stuff’ that he just likes and wanted to put on the site to share with others for no other reason than he finds it inspiring and thought that you might too. Some will have an explanation as to why he chose the and others will not.
Quotes
Change
“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”
“As human beings, our greatness lays not so much in being able to remake the world – as in being able to remake ourselves.”
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”
“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”
“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”
“Happiness is when what you think, what you feel, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
by Mahatma Gandhi
“The greatest masterpieces were once only pigments on a palette.”
–Henry S. Haskins
“I am concerned that some among us today are undoubtedly unhappy. Some of us feel we are falling short of our expected ideals. I have particular concern for those who have lived righteously, but think — because they haven’t achieved in the world or in the Church what others have achieved — that they have failed. Each of us desires to achieve a measure of greatness in this life. And why shouldn’t we? As someone once noted, there is within each of us a giant struggling with celestial homesickness.
“Realizing who we are and what we may become assures us that with God nothing really is impossible. From the time we learn that Jesus wants us for a Sunbeam until we learn more fully the basic principles of the gospel, we are taught to strive for perfection. It is not new to us then to talk of the importance of achievement. The difficulty arises when inflated expectations of the world alter our definition of greatness….
“Giving consistent effort in the little things in day-to-day life leads to true greatness. Specifically, it is the thousands of little deeds and tasks of service and sacrifice that constitute the giving or losing of one’s life for others and for the Lord. They include gaining a knowledge of our Father in Heaven and of the gospel. They also include bringing others into the faith and fellowship of his kingdom. These things do not usually receive the attention or the adulation of the world….
“To do one’s best in the face of the commonplace struggles of life, and possibly in the face of failures, and to continue to endure and persevere with the ongoing difficulties of life — when those struggles and tasks contribute to the progress and happiness of others and the eternal salvation of one’s self — this is true greatness.”
–Howard W. Hunter
Success and Reward
Most people are confused. Success is not measured by what you get but by what you give.
“Success is not measured by the position one has reached in life, rather by the obstacles overcome while trying to succeed.”
–Booker T. Washington
“The highest reward for a man’s toil is not what he gets for it but what he becomes by it.”
–John Ruskin
“All of us are prone to excuse our own mediocre performance. We blame our misfortunes, our disfigurements, our so-called handicaps. Victims of our own rationalization, we say silently to ourselves, ‘I’m just too weak,’ or ‘I’m not cut out for better things.’ Others soar beyond our meagre accomplishments. Envy and discouragement take their toll.
“Can we not appreciate that our very business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves? To break our own records, to outstrip our yesterdays by our todays, to bear our trials more beautifully than we ever dreamed we could, to give as we have never given, to do our work with more force and a finer finish than ever- this is the true idea: to get ahead of ourselves.
“To live greatly, we must develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility. You ask, ‘How might we achieve these goals?’ I answer, ‘By getting a true perspective of who we really are!’ We are sons and daughters of a living God in whose image we have been created. Think of that truth: ‘Created in the image of God!’ We cannot sincerely hold this conviction without experiencing a profound new sense of strength and power, even the strength to live the commandments of God, the power to resist the temptations of Satan.”
–Thomas S. Monson
To Achieve Your Dreams, Remember Your A-Z
A-void negative sources, people, things and habits.
B-elieve in yourself.
C-onsider things from every angle.
D-on’t give up and don’t give in.
E-njoy life today: yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
F-amily and Friends are hidden treasures. Seek them and enjoy their riches.
G-ive more than you planned to give.
H-ang on to your dreams.
I-gnore those who try to discourage you.
J-ust do it!
K-eep on trying, no matter how hard it seems. It will get better.
L-ove yourself.
M-ake it happen.
N-ever lie, cheat, or steal. Always strike a fair deal.
O-pen your eyes and see things as they really are.
P-ractice makes perfect.
Q-uitters never win and winners never quit.
R-ead, study and learn about everything important in your life.
S-top procrastinating.
T-ake control of your own destiny.
U-nderstand yourself in order to better understand others.
V-isualize it.
W-ant it more than anything.
X-ccelerate your efforts.
Y-ou are unique of all of Nature’s creations. Nothing can replace you.
Z-ero in on your target, and go for it!!
–Bhagwati Prasad
“I would rather be ashes than dust. I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than that it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
— Jack London
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness, concerning all acts of initiative (and creation). There is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”
–Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Persistence
The world is changed by persistence – No mountain, nation or person can stand against it. Running water moves all in its path.
“Nothing is the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
-Calvin Coolidge
Problems and Issues
Counselling is often about helping people resolve issues and problems. There is a curious belief within counselling that promotes the idea that the solution to our problems is known to us, that given enough space, time, encouragement and opportunity each of us will find our own solutions. While to some degree this is true, often people do not have the time or resources to do so and their situation may be so critical that delay will cost. In such cases, it is better to humble oneself and seek help than work in the dark as one’s world falls apart.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
– Albert Einstein
Poetry
Our deepest Fear:
The following is was one of Carlos’ favourite quotes for a long time. It spoke to him about client issues and the essence of counselling being to support clients in their attempts to grow, to shine and become all that they can be, to gain self belief and self reliance. Have you ever wondered why of all the possible belief structures people could adopt, the most common are ones that are judgemental, avoidant, dismissive and fearful of themselves, others and the world? Have you ever noticed how protective people are of themselves? Sadly, Fear is one of the strongest of all forces. We Fear Disappointment, Failure, Obligation, Betrayal, Loneliness, Abandonment, and Emotional and Physical Injury and Harm and much more beside; in fact, we fear all the things we believe we cannot cope with. However, our greatest fears concern our interactions with others, we fear Rejection, Disapproval, and Victimisation so very strongly that is colours all our relationships, and even our relationship with ourselves. And, we will do anything to avoid it, and make any adaptations to gain Approval, Acceptance and to ‘fit in’.
The most common adaptation is ‘negative’; in adopting a ‘closed’ view, one can protect oneself. Without self-belief, belief in others or belief in the world, one can avoid almost all emotional harm and much physical harm. With no one to believe in, one cannot be disappointed, one cannot fail or be betrayed, and one has no expectations. If there is no self, then one is able to adapt, to fit in and gain approval and acceptance. And if we never truly commit to any form of relationship, with ourselves or others and remain always on the defensive, always protective, always hidden, always adapting and changing with the wind of opinion; then the job is done and we are safe, alienated from ourselves, others and the world but safe. And if that leaves us in an uncomfortable and unhappy place, it is the price we are willing to pay for safety.
Sadly, the bargain that we strike for safety gains us nothing but the tantalising spectre of safety. Our protective measures and adaptations leave us feeling unsafe and insecure and so we are forced to make more adaptations and concessions and yet the more we seek safety the less safe we feel. Far from reach; a fleeting feeling that comes for a moment then passes. We gain momentary acceptance and approval but at what cost to ourselves? We risk nothing and loose everything but our fear.
Though this may seem counter intuitive; a true sense of safety or security comes not from protecting ourselves, closing doors and building walls or adapting to the needs of others in order to gain approval. Instead, it is found in embracing the unknown, embracing risk and being open to the potential of harm. It comes from being open to all things and believing in one’s own innate resilience and ability. It comes from a willingness to shine and be special, to accept oneself and to approve of oneself and to believe in the ‘special’ of others. It comes not from alienation from the self but from embracing our true selves; the self that knows our potential and the potential of others and implicitly believes in and accepts ourselves. The self that knows that the world and its people’s are neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’ but instead recognises all potentials without judgement. And thus we risk everything, gain everything and loose nothing but our fear.
In the end, counterintuitively, it is RISK and the willingness to speak and engage that leads to growth, happiness and security and it is the desire for safety that leads to fear, depression, oppression, totalitarianism, and nihilism.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God (Nature or whatever).
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
By Marianne Williamson
Taken from her book: ‘A Return to Love’
The Invitation
The following I like very much, it is not exactly as I would have it but I see it as an exchange between Client and Therapist or perhaps how people can relate a little more genuinely.
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be [faithful]
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
From the book The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.
Desiderata
The following may seem a little glib or clichéd but I like it anyway and without doubt there is something in the advice. There is also a little bit of urban legend that surrounds it which for me adds to the appeal.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
And remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
And listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
They are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than you.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
Many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
Keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
By Max Ehrmann c.1920
Stories and Fables
Nail in the Fence
There was once a little boy who could not control his temper, who was constantly at odds with his family and friends, lashing out both verbally and physically.
One day his Father gave him a bag of large nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of their fence.
The first day the boy drove 37 nails into the fence, however over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, and the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive the nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy did not loose his temper and he told his father.
His father was pleased at this and suggested that as well as driving nails in that he could now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
Many weeks passed until finally the boy was able to tell his father that there were no more nails to pull out.
The father took his son by the hand and led him back to the fence and said;
“You have done well my son and achieved much, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.
When you say or do things in anger, they leave a scar like those you have left in the fence.
You can drive a knife into a man and then draw it out.
However, no matter how much you regret it and apologies, the wound will leave a scar.
No matter Verbal or physical, all that is done in anger always leaves a scar.
Please forgive me if ever I have left a scar.