Couple Counselling
Couple counselling is a collaborative process between the couple counsellor and the couple. It is not something that can be entered into without the consent and cooperation of all parties. Any unwillingness to participate, cooperate or engage will damage the likelihood of success.
In-person Online virtually or In-office
Obviously, preference and experience are factors. However, the belief that in-office is more effective is factually incorrect. Given a Couple counsellor appropriately skilled and experienced as both a Couple Counsellor and an Online Counsellor there is fundamentally no loss in quality between in-person online or in-person in-office.
Effective Couple Counselling
Sadly, of all the different types of counselling, Couple Counselling or Marriage Guidance has one of the worst reputations both for efficacy and professionalism. That is not to say that Couple Counselling as a therapeutic intervention has no merits, but rather, that it faces a number of unique issues that have significant detrimental effects on its reputation and efficiency. The following is not to excuse the problems, but merely to help you understand them so that you can avoid the issues.
The Counsellors
Sadly much of the blame for the issues with Couple Counselling and Marriage Guidance lies with the counsellors themselves. More often than not, the counsellor is unable to maintain a healthy relationship for themselves let alone help others. The old adage ‘Healer heal thyself springs to mind. Why would you seek relationship help from such a person? Not only that, couple counsellors often lack the necessary skills to properly manage the meeting to prevent it from degenerating into arguments, bickering, or put-down sessions. Furthermore, some couple counsellors will project their own relational issues onto the couple and take sides or believe in the current social zeitgeist with respect to responsibility and truth.
Timing
Often, the couple arrives at the appointment as a last-ditched-attempt to save their relationship. And sometimes cynically, only to tick the box to say that they ‘tried’ to save their relationship without engaging in the process to do so.
Couple Counsellors are not miracle workers. Having destroyed their reputations within the relationship or following years of relationship neglect or infidelity or abuse, a couple can arrive with an unrealistic expectation that the counsellor will be able to effect change without their full commitment or engagement. Often couples expect the other one to change before they do.
Engagement
Damage and habits
Personal skills
Relationship Time
Relationships exist in time, that is to say that in a ever busy world dedicated to children, work and distractions, no time dedicated to the relationship will inevitably result in no relationship and if that situation persists, no matter the desire, the relationship will fail. You cannot repair and maintain anything without dedicating time to it. Essentially you will neglect your relationship to death.
Couple Counselling Process
Couple counselling process is dependent on the type of ‘couple’ and the goals they wish to achieve.
Intimate couples
Separated or Divorced couples
Parent Child couples
Friends
Siblings
Business Partners